Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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