Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just gargled with NyQuil
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
