Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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