I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
