sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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