Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
