.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
