Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
