i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
