I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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