White coat. Heels.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
