Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
