why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
