Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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