i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
