And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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