I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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