Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
