According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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