I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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