help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
