I showed him my bush... on skype.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
