You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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