when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
tell me about the eggs
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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