Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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