I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
