no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
