fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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