Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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