Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
