Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
