Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
