The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
