Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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