I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
