where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
