I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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