So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
