Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
