she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
