sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My bed smells like the plague
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
