and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
