I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
