John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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