Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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