The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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