On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
