Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
