if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize