Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I looked at my own cervix.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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