I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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