This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
