You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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