Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
