I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
they're like a gay fantastic four
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
