Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
