i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
