Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
