I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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