I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
