can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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