I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
