just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
