Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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