This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you inspire me to be a worse person
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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