I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
