I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
