It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
