its not stalking. its research.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
