i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
